I cook !

This Sunday turned out to be a painstaking research date with my kitchen.. Yeah I ventured out into the kitchen, with me approaching something way out of  my usual "survival cooking". I tried to make cutlet. But I am not going to make this a recipe corner, as I am very sure that I will be the last one of the "non-cooking" expert around here.

I had no idea that cooking required so much of non cooking skill. I mean cooking involved so many other skills than cooking. Of course, I am not your regular cooking expert on the first place. Yes! The whole episode was bound to end in catastrophe.


So I got "this" recipe from the net and it seemed pretty simple.. 

xxx of this + yyy of that + pan + heat + fry + deep fry = this

Good. Sounds simple. Yeah Yeah, I was good in chemistry (hope my teacher doesnt read this)  and I can manage it, sure. But chemistry lab didnt impose God's curse (or the curse of culinary experts?? ) on me! Let me go scene-wise

Step 1: Cut the vegetable: 
Me: Simple.. Give me the knife. 
      : Chop Chop.. Hey this is not sure in shape (gobbles it)
      : (picks next) chop chop, this is better
      :(Next, next and next), out of shape (inside mouth), this is ok..
Mom: Do you want me to cut them?
Me: I can perfectly handle
Mom: the way you are handling, we wont have anything to eat.
Me: (stares)
Mom: (leaves kitchen)
Me: Maybe I am eating a lot, ok will focus in cutting in shape but no eating. (Guess this the shift from "zero defects" to "zero wastage, rework" concept.. he he)
After 5 minutes,
Me: How much more to cut? (gasps), ok faster.. (moved to "productivity standards issue")
After 10 minutes
Me: What the heck? it is all for eating only na? Anyway it will get half mashed in my cooking? (Gone case, to "target focus")


Step 2: Mix flour
Me: I can do this.. Easy peasy... 
      : Mom.... which is the flour...
Mom: told u will manage? (takes and gives). dont make mess here
Me:  How much water?.. hmmm.. (pours one cup) dry.. (more) little more.. 
      :Ugh,... Watery.. More flour..
      :Dry... Ugh....
      :Mom how much water.. 
Mom: (high pitch) what mess is this? told you not to spill on the flour..


Phone rings (yeah, my super cool Samsung Galaxy SL) 
 After umpteen efforts to slide to attend the call (would I ever say, sliding is cool?) I cut the call (button pressing.. ufff) again call..
Me: Mom...
      :No response.. (She had slept off... Very good timing)

Me: [ Slides the phone with flour-y hand (ughhhh.. my phone!!!) and call gets cut ] 

Me: (Again flour mixing)

Call.. 
Me: (slides easily without guilt this time (ya, it got dirty already so what if I do one more time)),
Caller: Hello, Viji a? 
Me: (##**&&^*##).. huh??
Caller: Edaiyur (place) thane ? 
Me: (Edaiyur e thaan... ) no.. wrong number..

(Edaiyur - place / another meaning disturbance, for those who have not caught it)

Me: Ughhh.. I try to keep the mobile and drop in flour (thank god not floor).. (2nd thank god, not in wet flour.)
      :(**&$#%&&&((*&^^^)


Step 3: Heat the oil
Me: (about to call mom)
Mom  miraculously comes in..
Me: (where was she when I got the call and needed her)
Mom: New Oil packet, dont even think of touching.. I will pour and give.
Me:(still thinking..."did she wantonly not come that time?)
Mom pours it in the pan, lights the stove etc etc
Me: ( she really did want to hurt my mobile, so it is her conspiracy)


Step 4: mix vegetable in flour and deep fry in oil.
Me: (But my mobile is safe, so mom wont be successful)
Mom: Shall I complete it?
Me: sure ( Mobile is safe right?? )
Mom dips, drops and fries the vegetable soaked in flour

I unconsciously eat the first piece still wondering why people make so much fuss about cooking, it is soooo simple.. I smile to myself , "silly people".. 

Mom eats one piece, she yells - no salt no spice or even crispness.. what did you call this?

Me: wondering "how could she be so ungrateful - yeah so I forgot to add salt.. (oh, you need to put chillies? or some masala?).. so it is still cutlet right??

Silly ungrateful people.. 




5 comments:

  1. Too funny at the last line.....

    Breaking laugh !!

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  2. Sounds similar to my first attempts, except my mom was on the phone trying to teach me to make gravy. Still haven't mastered it. Good luck with your future endeavors. :)

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  3. Thanks Julie :) I am hoping to prevent further disasters, by avoiding the kitchen area for awhile

    Love
    LG

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  4. Next time I am stopping by just to watch you cooking, sounds real fun.

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